You Are Not My Mom…..

I saw a tweet yesterday from a Step Mom, who has taken her time and put all her effort into her Step Daughter. “You are not my mom, so stop acting like it…”

That is equivalent to a Step Mom as it is to a vampire having a stake driven through his heart.

Being a step mom is a balancing act, and it always seems like you are teetering more to once side than the other, it is never clean cut in the middle. Either you are the good step parent or you are the bad step parent. You need to know where to draw the line in discipline and in loving, get either wrong and you are the evil step parent or you are faking it or worse you are trying to buy their love.

Your opinion is always on the back burner, because naturally you are not THE parent, but exclude the child from a photo on your desk, then you are wrong because you need to accept the child as YOUR child too.

It has taken me nearly 8 years to figure this out. I have learnt that although I am not my step daughter’s mom, I am LIKE a mom to her. I leave her; I let her do what she needs to do to make this work for her. We forget that these little people we call step children, did not choose this situation. What they really want is their mom and dad in one home. They didn’t sign up for step siblings and half siblings. They didn’t sign up for every second weekend and alternative Christmases or in my case one long holiday and one short. We did that, we signed them up for it; we are forcing them into a nucleus that they just can’t figure out yet.

So step parents, when your step kid turns around and says things so mean to you that you think you might die, stop and try figure out why? Whether that child is 3 or 17, there is something in their soul that is hurting. Is the child missing home, is the child feeling second rated in daddy’s new family base, is the child feeling unloved? The reasons can be simple or complex, but find out why.

Most of all, love the kid, he or she deserves it. Love your step child like you love your own because one day that kid will be all grown up and will understand and they will love you back, because they secretly do anyway, they just don’t admit it because they are scared to hurt mom or dads feelings.

As a step parent what tips do you have to make it easier for the family? OR are you Step child, how was the experience for you?